Discipline Isn't About Earning God's Love—It's About Becoming More Like Him

As a follow-up to my earlier post, Discipline Under Grace, I want us to consider something else about discipline.

Why do we do it?

There is a school of thought that says we discipline ourselves to please God. We pray, fast, study Scripture, and crucify our flesh so that God will be pleased with us.

Another perspective suggests that discipline demonstrates that we are good Christians. After all, a disciplined Christian is often admired for their consistency, commitment, and devotion.

But discipline alone does not distinguish Christianity from other religions. People from many different religious traditions demonstrate extraordinary discipline.

So what is the purpose of Christian discipline?

I believe the answer becomes clearer when we understand what God is trying to accomplish in us.

We do not discipline ourselves to earn God's love. We discipline ourselves so that our lives increasingly align with the One who already loves us.

And I have a story about my daughter that illustrates this beautifully.

My Daughter, Her Gymnastics Coach, and a Little Cheating

My daughter is a gymnast.

During practice, the girls are coached in groups, and their coach sets up different stations for them to work through. Each station focuses on a particular skill, movement, or muscle-strengthening exercise.

One day, I was watching her practice, feeling quite pleased that my money was being put to good use.

Then I noticed something.

My daughter glanced toward her coach and skipped a station.

I thought, Hmm. That's strange.

So I kept watching.

A little later, she looked toward her coach again and skipped another station!

That was when reality hit me.

My precious daughter was cheating!

She wasn't doing what she was supposed to do, the way she was supposed to do it, or when she was supposed to do it.

Naturally, we had a conversation afterward.

Her explanation?

She only did it with this particular coach because the coach was so strict.

First of all, apparently, this was not an isolated incident!

Second, what she was calling strictness was actually a call to excellence.

Her coach was not setting up those stations to make her life miserable. Each station was designed to help her develop the strength and skills she needed to become a better gymnast.

My daughter loves gymnastics. She wants to be better at it. But in trying to avoid the demands of training, she was undermining the very thing she wanted to achieve.

And I couldn't help seeing a parallel with our Christian walk.

When We Misunderstand the Purpose of Discipline

Sometimes we approach God's instructions the way my daughter approached those stations.

We see the requirements but misunderstand their purpose.

We perceive God's instructions as restrictions on our freedom rather than provisions for our growth.

Why must I forgive?

Why must I exercise self-control?

Why must I resist temptation?

Why must I discipline my thoughts, appetites, speech, and behavior?

Why can't I simply do what I feel like doing?

And when obedience becomes inconvenient, we look around to see whether anyone is watching before quietly skipping a station.

But what if we understood that God's instructions are not arbitrary demands?

What if we recognized that He is cultivating something within us?

My daughter's coach was not trying to prevent her from enjoying gymnastics. She was helping her develop the ability to enjoy the sport at a higher level.

Similarly, God's instructions are not intended to rob us of life. They train us to live the life He has called us to.

Discipline Brings Our Desires Into Alignment

 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. - Galatians 5:17

Galatians 5:17 explains that the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit desires what is contrary to the flesh.

This conflict helps explain why discipline is necessary.

There are things our flesh desires that do not align with the life God wants us to live.

Sometimes we want immediate gratification when God is developing patience.

We want to retaliate when the Spirit is leading us toward forgiveness.

We want to indulge an appetite when wisdom calls for restraint.

We want to avoid an uncomfortable act of obedience when God is developing perseverance.

The answer is not to pretend these competing desires do not exist.

It is to learn to follow the Holy Spirit rather than allowing every desire of the flesh to direct our behavior.

Christian discipline is the intentional practice of bringing our choices into alignment with the Spirit's leadership.

We are not simply suppressing undesirable behavior. We are making room for the fruit of the Spirit to become increasingly evident in our lives.

Love.

Joy.

Peace.

Patience.

Kindness.

Goodness.

Faithfulness.

Gentleness.

Self-control.

These are not merely admirable personality traits. They are the fruit of a life increasingly yielded to the Holy Spirit.

And discipline helps us cooperate with His work.

You Are Already Loved—Now Grow

There is an important distinction I want us to understand.

For those of us in Christ, God's love and our acceptance before Him are not rewards for perfect performance.

We do not need to complete enough spiritual exercises to become worthy of belonging to Him.

However, our choices still matter to Him. Scripture teaches that our obedience can please God, even though it is not what purchases His love.

Consider Hebrews 12, which describes God's discipline as an expression of His fatherly love.

God disciplines His children for their good so that they may share in His holiness. Although discipline can be painful at the time, it can produce the peaceful fruit of righteousness in those who are trained by it.

Notice the purpose.

God is not trying to make us worthy of becoming His children. He is training us to mature as His children.

My daughter did not need to complete every station to earn my love.

She was already my daughter.

But because I loved her, I wanted her to take her training seriously.

I wanted her to experience the growth that consistent effort would produce.

How much more does our heavenly Father desire our growth?

Don't Skip the Stations

This is where discipline becomes essential to our journey toward wholeness.

We can genuinely love God and still resist the very practices that would help us grow.

We can desire better health while repeatedly neglecting the habits that support it.

We can desire peace while continually feeding our minds things that produce anxiety and agitation.

We can desire spiritual maturity while avoiding the uncomfortable work of forgiveness, self-control, and obedience.

The answer is not to condemn ourselves for every missed station.

It is to recognize what those stations are developing.

Every act of obedience is an opportunity to become more responsive to the Holy Spirit.

Every healthy boundary is an opportunity to develop self-control.

Every intentional act of stewardship is an opportunity to bring another area of our lives under God's leadership.

And when we stumble, grace invites us to return and continue growing.

So the next time you feel tempted to skip a station, remember my little gymnast.

Remember that the exercise has a purpose.

You are not training to earn your Father's love.

You are training because you are loved, and He desires to see you grow.

I love you,

Oyin.